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what we do in the shadows
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it’s easy to get caught in the trap of pretending to be someone we’re not. Social media, professional environments, and even personal relationships often require us to put on a mask—showing the world only what we want others to see, whether that’s a polished version of ourselves or a carefully curated identity. Beneath the surface, however, there’s a darker undercurrent: the laughter of those around us may mask silent judgments, insecurities, or even mockery, and sometimes, the very act of pretending to be something we’re not can keep us from moving forward.

This tension—the clash between the public persona we project and the private struggles we face—is a theme that resonates deeply with many people. The things we do to fit in, to appear successful, or to seem “normal,” can sometimes trap us in a cycle of self-deception and societal expectations. Friends might laugh with you, but in the shadows, they’re often silently mocking you or, worse yet, hoping you won’t proceed because your success threatens their own sense of stability or comfort. It’s a complex dynamic that often goes unspoken, but it shapes the way we navigate our social lives, career ambitions, and personal growth.


The Social Performance: Pretending to Have a “Decent” Job

One of the most prevalent forms of societal pretense involves our careers. We all know the pressure to present ourselves as successful, accomplished, and “on track.” There’s an unspoken expectation to have it all figured out, to have a “decent” job, a well-defined career trajectory, and a sense of upward mobility. This has become almost a social currency in modern life. But what does it mean to have a “decent” job? For many, it’s a job that aligns with societal standards of success—steady income, a title that sounds impressive, a career path that seems stable.

But beneath the surface, the reality is often far more complicated. People may cling to jobs that they don’t enjoy or aren’t passionate about simply to maintain appearances. Perhaps they feel trapped by the expectations placed on them—by family, peers, or society at large. They might show up to work every day, pretending to be fulfilled, playing the role of the hardworking professional, all while secretly feeling unfulfilled, stagnant, or deeply dissatisfied. In this way, they present a facade that aligns with the “decent job” expectation, but in the shadows, they struggle with self-doubt and disillusionment.

Some might even embellish their job titles or the prestige of their work in an effort to fit in. A person might describe themselves as a “corporate strategist” or “consultant” when, in reality, their job is much more menial or disconnected from those lofty terms. This isn’t necessarily about deception for the sake of lying—it’s often about a desire to be seen as successful and important. But in doing so, they distance themselves from the truth of their situation.

And here’s the cruel irony: Even as we’re caught up in presenting this shiny, successful version of ourselves to the world, we are simultaneously subject to the judgment and mockery of those around us—whether it’s conscious or unconscious. Our friends may laugh with us, congratulating us on our “big promotion” or asking for career advice, but in private, the same people might be quietly judging us, comparing their own lives to ours, or questioning whether we are really “on the right path.” There’s always a shadow of competition, jealousy, or resentment lurking just beneath the surface.


The Darker Side: The Shadows That Mock Us

The shadows I’m referring to are the silent, often unnoticed forces that undermine us in both subtle and overt ways. These are the moments when we’re alone, when the mask slips off, and we’re left with the dissonance between how we’ve presented ourselves and what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

Imagine you’re at a social gathering, and everyone is laughing with you—making jokes, congratulating you on your latest achievement, and exchanging pleasantries. But in the back of your mind, you can’t shake the feeling that something feels off. Maybe there’s a bit of envy in your friend’s eyes, or perhaps there’s a sense of judgment that cuts through the laughter. In the shadows, there’s a voice that says, “Don’t get too comfortable. Don’t get too confident. This won’t last. You don’t belong here.”

These shadows can manifest in many forms:

  • The Friends Who Pretend to Celebrate Your Success, But Really Don’t Want You to Succeed: There’s a type of friend who acts like they’re thrilled for you—who cheers you on when you get a promotion, a new job, or an exciting opportunity. But deep down, their reaction is more about maintaining the social dynamic than it is about genuine happiness for you. They don’t want you to outgrow the group or leave them behind. In their minds, your success might highlight their own insecurities or sense of stagnation. In these situations, the laughter you hear might be genuine on the surface, but in the shadows, it’s filled with quiet resentment.
  • The Silent Sabotage: Sometimes, the shadows come in the form of small, seemingly harmless comments. A coworker might tell you how lucky you are to have landed such a “good” job, but the implication is clear: they don’t believe you deserve it, or that your success is just a matter of timing, not skill. Similarly, friends who constantly ask, “When are you going to settle down?” or “When are you going to get a real job?” are playing the role of the concerned friend, but really, they’re trying to keep you within the bounds of their expectations.
  • Imposter Syndrome: The most insidious shadow is the one you carry inside yourself. The mask you wear in public is often held up by self-doubt and fear of being found out as an imposter. You may feel like a fraud, like you’re faking it, and that everyone around you is just waiting for the moment when you’ll “slip up” and reveal that you don’t belong. This internalized mockery can be paralyzing and prevent you from moving forward, even when you have the ability and the opportunity to do so.

Breaking Free: Moving Beyond the Shadows

The first step toward freeing ourselves from the mockery in the shadows is to acknowledge that the facade we often maintain doesn’t truly serve us. The pressure to present ourselves as perfect or successful can keep us trapped in a cycle of self-deception, preventing us from taking risks or pursuing what truly makes us happy. The truth is, no one has it all figured out, and the “decent job” we pretend to have may not be the key to our happiness or fulfillment.

If we want to break free from the shadows, we need to allow ourselves the vulnerability to be real. This means shedding the masks we wear and accepting that it’s okay to be imperfect, to not have everything in order, and to admit that we’re all just figuring it out as we go. The more we allow ourselves to be authentic, the less power the shadows—those forces of mockery and judgment—will have over us.

It’s also crucial to surround ourselves with people who celebrate us for who we truly are, not for the version of ourselves we project to fit in. True friends will laugh with you, yes—but they will also support you, encourage you to pursue your passions, and not feel threatened by your success. Only when we remove the false narratives and embrace our real selves can we move beyond the mocking shadows and find genuine growth and fulfillment.


Conclusion

The masks we wear—whether in our jobs, our friendships, or our personal lives—are often a reflection of our need to fit in, be accepted, and be seen as successful. But these facades come at a cost. In the shadows, they mock us, trapping us in self-deception and leaving us stuck in a cycle of pretending to be something we’re not. The key to escaping this is authenticity. When we stop pretending and embrace our true selves, the shadows lose their power, and we can finally move forward, free from judgment and self-doubt. It’s time to step out of the shadows, be honest with us, and allow ourselves the freedom to truly live.

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