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Why don’t skeletons ever fight each other?
They don’t have the guts.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have tiny ant-bodies!
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They might crack up.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
The living room.
Why did the math book look sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
Why was the stadium so hot?
Because all the fans left.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The trom-bone.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To talk to the other side.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why don’t sharks like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Why was the broom late?
It swept in.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy.
Why don’t skeletons ever fight?
They don’t have the stomach for it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why did the computer go to therapy?
It had too many bugs.
Why was the math book unhappy?
It had too many problems.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
Why did the pencil go to the principal’s office?
Because it was being sharp.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two-tired!
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
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