How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: A Humorous Guide to Relationship Dos and Don’ts

So, you’ve met a great guy. He’s charming, kind, and funny. He laughs at your jokes, texts back promptly, and even holds the door open for you. But let’s say, hypothetically, that you want to send him running faster than a cat confronted with a cucumber. Maybe you’re testing his patience, maybe you love a good challenge, or maybe you just enjoy a bit of chaos.

Either way, you’re in luck! With this foolproof 10-day plan, you can turn even the most smitten guy into a ghosting champion. Ready? Let’s begin.

Day 1: Come on Too Strong

The key to making a guy feel overwhelmed right off the bat is intensity. Before your first date even happens, text him a “Good morning, lovebug!” Nothing says “I barely know you, but I already adore you” like a premature pet name.

Better yet, tell him you feel like you’ve known him forever. If he hesitates before responding, don’t worry—just double-text. Or triple. It’s all about persistence.

Day 2: Plan Your Future Together

Now that he’s emotionally confused, it’s time to crank up the pressure. Casually drop wedding-related terms into conversation. Not in a general “I think weddings are cool” way, but in a “I think our wedding should be in the fall—don’t you just love rustic barn venues?” way.

Bonus points if you start brainstorming baby names. Even if he laughs nervously and tries to change the subject, stare deep into his soul and say, “I just think the name Elijah would suit our firstborn.”

Day 3: Be Clingy AF

At this point, he’s still around, which means you need to escalate. The best way? Zero personal space.

• Call or text him constantly. If he doesn’t respond within five minutes, send a “?” to check if he’s still alive.
• Show up at places he frequents and act completely surprised to see him.
• End every hangout with “I just hate being apart from you” and a dramatic sigh.

Men love attention, right? Let’s test that theory to the max.

Day 4: Move Too Fast

You know what’s better than leaving a toothbrush at his place? Leaving a drawer full of your stuff. On your next visit, casually place a few essentials around—shampoo in his shower, slippers by his bed, a framed photo of you two on his nightstand (even if you had to Photoshop it).

If he questions it, just smile and say, “I feel like this is basically our home now.”

Day 5: Get Jealous Over Nothing

If there’s one thing that keeps relationships interesting, it’s baseless jealousy. The trick is to find any reason to be suspicious.

• He smiled at the waitress? He must be in love with her.
• He mentioned Emma from work? Time to ask how long he’s been secretly dating her.
• He was active on Instagram but didn’t text back? Clearly, he’s seeing someone else.

The more dramatic, the better. He’ll either reassure you endlessly (until exhaustion) or run for the hills. Either way, mission accomplished.

Day 6: Be a Drama Queen

Speaking of drama, it’s time to stage a minor meltdown. Maybe he took too long to text back, forgot to compliment your new haircut, or liked a random girl’s photo from 2017. Whatever the reason, it’s officially A Big Deal™.

• Send passive-aggressive texts like “I just think it’s funny how…”
• If he asks “What’s wrong?”, respond with “Nothing” (but say it in a tone that suggests he should absolutely panic).
• Cry, then say, “I knew you’d hurt me eventually.”

Nothing says “stable and secure” like a completely unnecessary emotional explosion.

Day 7: Overwhelm Him with Cuteness

Okay, maybe yesterday was too much, so today, you’re adorable. And by adorable, I mean excessively cutesy.

• Give him a cringey couple nickname (“Snuggle muffin”).
• Insist on taking matching selfies.
• Post said selfies everywhere with captions like “My whole world” after one week of dating.
• Demand a couple’s TikTok account.

If he’s still here after this, congratulations—you may have found the most patient man alive.

Day 8: Invade His Personal Space

Sharing is caring! That means what’s his is now yours.

• Steal his hoodie. When he asks for it back, say, “Awww, you don’t want me to have something of yours?” with fake tears.
• Take bites of his food without asking. Even better—feed him your food aggressively.
• Talk over his favorite TV show with “Wait, who’s that?” every five minutes.

The goal is to make him realize that alone time is a distant memory.

Day 9: Give Him the Silent Treatment

Now that he’s adjusted to constant attention, let’s reverse psychology this situation.

Go from texting him 20 times a day to zero. When he asks what’s wrong, say “Nothing” but continue to be eerily silent.

If he tries to fix it, scoff dramatically and whisper, “You wouldn’t understand.” Then shake your head like a tragic movie heroine.

If he doesn’t try to fix it? Congratulations! You’ve officially lost him.

Day 10: Make It Official (Without Asking)

To seal the deal, update your Facebook status to “In a Relationship”—with him tagged. Announce to his friends that “It’s so great to finally be official.”

Then, text his mom: “So excited to meet you this weekend!!!” (whether or not you’ve been invited).

At this point, his fight-or-flight response will fully activate. If he hasn’t ghosted yet, he’s likely crafting his “Hey, I think we should slow down” text as we speak.

Final Thoughts

Now, if your goal was to actually keep the guy, maybe… don’t do any of this. Relationships thrive on trust, space, and mutual respect—not relentless texting, forced intimacy, or surprise wedding planning.

But hey, if he survives this 10-day rollercoaster and still sticks around? He’s either the one… or just really enjoys chaos.